sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize