he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
