oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
