Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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