ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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