so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
