oh god the rape fog is back!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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