in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
