My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
