You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
