I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
