OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found your dick twin last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
