Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
