I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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