she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
