I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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