im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
