i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize