I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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