so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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