Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
