I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
