so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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