I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
