my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
