Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
