It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
