apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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