How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
