I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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