i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
