Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
