I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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