I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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