Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
