sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
