he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
