All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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