how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
