Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
