Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
