If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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