If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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