And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
