i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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