I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
