Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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