Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
