as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
