if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
