I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
