i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
