She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
