You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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