My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
