Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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