I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
