It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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