just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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