sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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