We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
