Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
