My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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