We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
