I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
