do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize