Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
