if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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