After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
