I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
